AOL

My husband and I have been together 12 years - but we have separated numerous times. We do love each other, but every time we get back together he always ends up longing for the single life. So, he dumps all the responsibility for the kids and house onto me. But now he says he's changed and wants to try again. I've suggested we both get individual counselling and then 'date' each other before we move back in - am I right?

Susan advises
You are right. If you and your husband are in a repeating pattern of breakup and makeup, that's probably down to your individual personalities or your relationship dynamic - neither of which you can simply 'decide' to change. It's not that it will take years (and thousands of pounds) to shift these things; it's that you need outside help to see what's happening and to make the shift.

Bottom line, if you simply try to get back together again without changing, then you'll end up in the same situation. If you keep on doing what you've always done, you'll get what you've always got. (You might like to repeat that to your husband!)

That may sound pessimistic, but it's not. In fact, given that the two of you have over the years tried so hard to stay together, I think you have an excellent chance of making it with the right support. Book in to see a counsellor - seeing the same one will make sure they see the full picture as well as your individual viewpoints - and start getting all this sorted at last!