AOL

Recently my boyfriend split up with me because he was worried we were getting too serious - we’re both only 19. But he says he does want a future with me - just after a break of a year or so. We’re still meeting up as friends and every time I see him it’s obvious we both know we’re going to get back together. The problem is when. The uncertainty is stressing me so much I can’t eat or sleep. How can I cope?

Susan advises
Being so young, your boyfriend almost certainly doesn’t have the experience to realise that what he’s asking is unreasonable. He knows he’s not ready to settle down and commit - in fact I agree with him that 19 is too young - but he also knows he cares for you, imagines a future with you. So far as he’s concerned it’s a done deal, just on hold for a while.

What he doesn’t see is that while he is in control of what’s happening, you’re not; it’s like riding pillion on a motorbike, unable to see where you’re going. What he also doesn’t see is that you can’t keep feelings on ice.

If he wants to split for while, then he can; but he can’t guarantee that you - or in fact he - will be there at the end of that time.

In short, don’t accept this halfway house. If he’s not ready to settle, he’s not - and it would be a total disaster to push him into a commitment he can’t keep. But equally, don’t just sit there on ice for him. Make a genuine break, with no contact, so that you can meet others as he is doing, and you can both find out what you really want.