AOL

When I got together with a guy who said he’d been diagnosed with cancer, I spoilt him rotten. But then I found out he’d never had cancer at all! Not only that, he’d been engaged to someone else the whole time we were together. At first I was so angry that I demanded back all the presents I’d given him. But now his fiancée has thrown him out and I’ve realised, despite everything, I still love him. I know I need to forget him, but how?

Susan advises
Yes, you really do need to forget this guy - it sounds like he cons everyone he comes into contact with.

So why are you still so hooked? Strangely, we can feel drawn towards people who treat us badly. Somewhere in our past history - family, friends, early partners - we’ve maybe got used to being put down. It feels familiar, it feels strangely comfortable, and - weirdly - we feel drawn towards it like moths to a flame. That’s the feeling that you are describing as ‘love’. But of course it isn’t love but something much more dangerous.

However, the way out is not to desperately try to get over your feelings - you’ll simply end up thinking about him all the time, getting obsessed by the whole thing. The way out is not to try to stop loving him, but instead to start loving yourself. Remind yourself that you deserve better, that you deserve a man who treats you well, does right by you and really loves you.

Maybe have some counselling to help you erase the past experiences that have caused this. The British Association of Counsellors and Psychotherapists can help. Get focussed on what you would be good for you and you’ll slowly forget this man who was so bad for you.

- Next question: He's bankrupting us!