For the last decade my husband's worked away from home, I've never liked that - it's really affected our relationship - but he's always promised me that at some point he would stop. His current contract comes to an end at Christmas, so I've asked him to call a halt. He now says it's nothing to do with me and that if I don't like it, I should leave. We've been married for 37 years - what should I do?

Susan advises

There comes a terrible point in many marriages where, quite simply, the idea of 'we' fades. One partner or the other forgets the love they once felt and the commitments they once made, and shifts their focus, start putting themselves first and only. They choose 'I' over 'us' and love dies.

I suspect your husband reached this point years ago - it's just that he was away so much that you didn't notice. Now that you are into the later years of your life, however, you've finally started asking him to put you first for once. And it's become abundantly clear that he simply won't do that.

What to do? First, bring this into the open and challenge him to recommit to the marriage - given your history together he just might step up. But if he doesn't, then you have hard choices ahead. Many women simply hunker down and accept that for the rest of their lives they will live in a marriage where they need to emotionally fend for themselves. Other women leave - and though there are no guarantees, with support there is a good chance of being much, much happier.

I know this news is hard - but I wouldn't be giving you good advice if I tried to pretend that the situation was more hopeful than it is. So please get counselling to help you deal with this heartbreaking situation and make the choices that are right for you.