For some time my ten-year-old son has known that I am a lesbian. But then recently he caught me in bed with my female partner for the first time. He took it really badly and is still really angry and hurt. I've given him plenty of chances to talk about it, but he's still very upset with me and my partner. How can I help him come to terms with my lesbianism?

Susan advises
I don't think that the main problem here is your son coming to terms with your lesbianism. I think it's a much more general issue - the difficulty all adolescents have coming to terms with real life.

Because most ten year olds would have a freak out if they caught their parents in bed together - to a ten-year old, sex is gross and their parents shouldn't be doing it! Plus, their parents should never have lives of their own, needs of their own, desires of their own. Parents should be focussed on the child 24/7 - and any deviation from that is irritating.

I do know life's uncomfortable right now. But the main things your son needs to know are that a) you still love him and that b) you and your partner love each other and have a right to act on that. So sure, give the child space, let him know you're always willing to talk - but don't back down on those two main points. As he matures, he'll mellow. Until then, keep caring but stand firm.