Six years ago, on my hen night, I met a man who I had such a strong chemistry with that it scared me. Then a few months after my marriage, I moved jobs - and he was in my new department! We tried to avoid one another, but eventually ended up sleeping together at a conference. Five years on, our affair is still going on - despite trying to end it numerous times. I love my husband, and know I have a future with him - so how can I find the courage to walk away from my lover?

Susan advises
What you're talking about here is the difference between loving commitment and strong emotion. At the point you were about to get married - probably feeling a bit nervous and very intense - you met a man who utterly engaged your emotions. The incredible coincidence of him turning up again then got you even more excited and intense. And since then you have been on an emotional roller coaster, being with him while still trying to keep things secret from your husband.

It's difficult to break away from such strong emotion - it's almost like an addiction. As you say, you've tried to end it but keep going back, as a junkie would to a drug.

But now you want to stop - sensibly you've realised that the more low-key commitment you have with your husband is in fact worth much more. So how do you kick the 'affair habit'? Simply, by realising that the emotion is transitory and resistible. When you feel like ringing your lover, become aware that it's just a feeling. When you want to see him, tell yourself that the feeling will pass.

It may not be easy to kick your addiction, and it may not be nice. But if you concentrate on the solid, secure future you want with your husband - and turn your attention away from the here and now intensity that you experience with your lover - then you can do it.