My forty-year-old daughter has never wanted children, and in fact, has a phobia of childbirth. But now that her sister-in-law is pregnant, she's started panicking about whether she's letting her husband down by not having kids. She's got so stressed about whether they'll regret their decision in later life that I'm scared she'll have a nervous breakdown. Help!

Susan advises
My bet is that it isn't just her husband's needs that are wobbling your daughter here. The fact that her sister-in-law is having a baby has probably stirred maternal urges in her, and for the first time in her life she's realised that she might want a child. If so - and if at the same time she's still phobic of childbirth - it's no wonder she's getting in a state.

So first, you need to help your daughter get clear about the fact that she's now got conflicting needs. She has to face up to that, front up the problem, explore her options.

Secondly, she has to cure her phobia of childbirth. A good cognitive behavioural counsellor or even a hypnotherapist, can help her with that. The British Association of Counselling website should be able to help you with that.

Curing her phobia doesn't mean she has to get pregnant - in fact, in my opinion, she shouldn't unless both she and her husband are 100% convinced that they want children. But if she's not phobic of the process, then she can make a decision based on what's real - rather than one that's based on her being terrified of one whole aspect of the options!