AOL

Seven years ago my father left my mother. One month later she got together with a new man, who no one thought was right for her. That relationship didn't last, but since then she’s been a changed person. She used to be very family orientated, but now she only seems to want to talk about herself and never shows any interest in our news. She even says she can’t have my sons to stay this summer because she wants to decorate a bedroom! I don't want to cut contact with her, but it feels like I'm always the one making the effort now. That casual relationship has changed her forever!

Susan advises
What originally changed your mother was the break up of her marriage. As a result, she must have felt a total failure - and it was in an attempt to offset that feeling that she paired up with an unsuitable man. Then that relationship failed too and she was left all alone.

By the sound of it, your mother has never recovered from those two blows. She's now almost certainly feeling low in self-esteem, possibly even clinically depressed. She needs - and has needed for the past seven years - lots and lots of attention, from everyone around. She needs to feel the centre of the universe.

Be honest. Have you made her the centre of the universe even for just a while over these past years? Or have you continued to treat her as your mother, expect her to always give to you, always putting you and your children first?

It’s always a temptation to expect a parent to be utterly self-sacrificing. But often, they need their children to sacrifice a little for them.

You say you are the one making the effort now. Maybe that's just what you need to do. Maybe you need to make an effort to give your mother some attention and care. If you do that, maybe she will recover from her tragic years and start to be able to support and care for you again.