Recently my partner of ten years died. He was an alcoholic and prone to depression, so I suppose it was only a matter of time before his health failed. Despite his problems he was always gentle and kind to me and I keep going over things in my head and wondering if I should have done more to stop his self-destructive process. I am still not sleeping and four weeks have passed. Am I right to worry?

Susan advises
Please, please look after yourself. Four weeks is no time at all to grieve for a beloved partner. Four weeks is no time at all to be still having physical and emotional symptoms after a bereavement.

And four weeks is not time at all to be feeling guilty about your part in his death. Almost always, when someone dies, we ask ourselves what we could have done - either to prevent the death or to make the passing easier. Everyone feels like that.

And amost everyone, including you, is wrong to feel like that. I am certain - because you are surely a good woman - that if there had been anything you could have done to help your partner recover from his alcoholism and depression, you would have done it. I’m sure you helped, I’m sure you supported, I’m sure you gave everything you could. But in the end your partner couldn’t make it, and that was not down to you.

You will need time to work through your loss. You almost certainly - having supported your partner for so long - also need counselling to support you. So get that support - www.crusebereavementcare.org.uk. In the end, you will move through this terrible early phase of mourning and start to see things more clearly. For the moment, as I said before, look after yourself.