AOL

I have a very dear friend who lives a long way away, so we mainly communicate by email. After a few months of no contact, she's now told me that her marriage has recently ended badly. While I'm great at being excited when my friends have good news, I'm terrible with bad news. I'm always scared that I'll say something tactless and make things worse. Not being able to be there in person just makes it harder too. How can I make sure I'm a good friend to her?

Susan advises

What people need when they are in trouble is not someone who always says the right thing. What they need is someone who cares. And it's really obvious that you do care deeply for your friend. If you didn't, you wouldn't be so affected by her bad news, you wouldn't be so worried about getting it right.

So first, simply contact her and say how badly you feel for her. Second, however, don't feel you have to then rush in with advice or comfort. Because what your friend needs is not loads of input from you. What she really needs is for you to give her lots of space and time, to allow her to express her feelings. Sitting at the other end of the phone simply listening is often the best thing you can do.

Third step is to let your friend know that you are there for her in the future, that she can ring you any time. So tell her and regularly text her to remind her of that. 'I'm here if you want to talk' is a wonderful thing to say to anyone who is in trouble.

Finally, you may want to buy my book What to do if you really want to help but don't know how (published by Transformation Press, £5.99.